My mum lived for us. She worked nearly 24 hours a day so I was looking after my baby sister, cooking and cleaning. Someone had to be with her while I was at school so my mother would work at night, take washing home from a factory, and then she would clean floors in my school.
I raised my sister, Oksana, who is brain damaged. I was six when she was born and my stepfather walked out. My mum resisted pressure to give her up to state care. During the day we didn't have anywhere to go, only deserted buildings and basements. It was hard for me because the other children teased us and didn't like to have her around. It was very painful and that injustice is still with me.
Because of my childhood where I was constantly by myself, I always feel lonely. I have a lot of people that I absolutely love and I know love me but I can't get rid of that feeling of loneliness no matter who I'm with – even with my children. I know they'll eventually have their own lives. I hope to create the type of family life that when my children are older, they'll come back with their girlfriends, their husbands and their children and hopefully then that feeling of loneliness will go.
It's very hard to say what my life would be like if I hadn't left Russia and gone to Paris to try modelling. Before I left Russia in 1999, I was living in a very poor factory town with my family and friends, and nothing was ever going to change. I remember sitting in the corner at the model agency and suddenly everyone was coming up and staring at me. I was confused and thought they were upset that I was there. My mother had a big debt and the debt collectors were doing some horrible things to her. The owner of the agency lent me the money to pay it off before I'd earned it, and it was like a dream.
I suffered a lot when my son was born. I didn't have my family with me. Justin [Her husband Justin Portman, is a scion of the aristocratic property-owning family who own large swaths of London], like any new dad, didn't know what to do and the first few weeks of Lucas's life I was by myself caring for a child, which is really tiring.
It's important for children to know that other side, when you're tired or things aren't OK. If you never know hardship, you can't really support people around you. My mother always spoke to me about herself. She was so young and I was like her sister. Although there are certain things I wouldn't say to my children, because they don't need to know.
When you become a mother, you think less about yourself and care more about the world. I believe in a higher purpose. As a parent, it's heartbreaking to see other children suffering. I started my charity in 2005, after the Beslan tragedy [the 2004 school siege in which at least 339 hostages were killed]. We built our first one in my hometown of Nizhny Novgorod in 2006. The children absolutely loved it. It's important they can get lost in play, even for a few minutes.
My children's lives are so different from my own childhood. All I want for them is to be happy and to be good people, to have something they enjoy doing. It's hard because they are children who will never need or lack anything. However, I want to give them the tools to make their own way in the world. It think it's vital to have a purpose and passion in life.
Naked Heart Foundation helps to build playgrounds in Russia, nakedheart.org